Ready Or Not

Hi Baby,

Well, there is much to say and not a lot a time to do it in. After all, you could come to me any day, hour, or minute at this point and I still feel nowhere near prepared for you. These past few weeks I am finally feeling good about how the days are going with Luthien, and now somehow we are adding you to our little mix! I am excited to meet you, see your face, smell and kiss your little body, but I still feel nervous about being your mommy. I hope I can mother you in the way you deserve- I know I have a lot to learn.

Over the past month, my heartburn has stopped almost altogether. Yes, that means you "dropped" that long ago and I've been feeling as though I'm carrying a bowling ball between my legs for quite some time. And even before that, as you have seen, you didn't exactly ride very high. Strangely, the only time I get heartburn now is when I wait too long to eat and I'm laying down (like if I ever have the chance to sleep in in the morning- ha!) The past two months have been very difficult (physically) for mama. I finally received some comfort from our midwife, Ramona a couple weeks ago when she checked my cervix. It was an especially painful day, one in which I could barely get up from the ground at the park, and then had to be practically carried to the car because the pain in my pelvis and lower extremities was so intense. Aunt Stefa took me in to see Ramona (we won't even talk about how in this process Luthien got a terrible diaper rash, insisted on keeping her diaper off, and then proceeded to pee in the waiting room in front of everyone). Ramona told us that she had rarely seen a baby sitting so low for someone who is totally not in labor. In fact, my cervix wasn't dialated or effaced at all at that point, yet you were sitting at a zero station (totally descended into the birth canal- where babies usually are when women are dialated to a 10 and begin pushing). I guess this was comforting because I had felt so silly for the past month or so- having to take so many breaks, crying while doing the dishes at the end of the night, being unable to walk Roofus and Luthien at times...all things I never experienced with Luthien. Ramona reassured me that my ligaments just have so much pressure on them (from you!) that it's perfectly normal to be in extreme pain.

So, that has been the main difficulty with your pregnancy. Of course, you have been causing contractions for a very long time now, something also very different, but I can stand these any day over the other pain/inability to walk and get things done.

I love you baby. By the way, at this point I think you are a boy. I promise I will post some more pictures soon- pregnancy/in the womb as well as out! So strange!

-Mama

How low can you go

It's been much too long since I've written to you. For now, your sister is getting all the attention since that may change very soon. I promised I would post some pictures here, but don't get too excited...I'm starting with "belly shots", which we never remember to take, and when we do, we do them really quickly so they are pretty poor quality.

Here is mom at 15 weeks. This is a pretty graphic picture, I know- Dad got too close, but also we are trying to show just how low mom carries. We actually had to crop this one if you can believe it- you can see that the belly is still rounding waaay low.

19 weeks:

And, not a belly shot but the best I could find. Here, at 28 weeks, but the front view does not do justice whatsoever. More to come soon. I was recently told there was no way I would make it until May, that I looked like I was about to "pop." Something I think myself all the time, but interesting when someone else says it.

Like I said, I will be posting more soon, so as to get into the habit of working on two blogs/journals more frequently. Just know that you are giving me lots of heart burn which does not make sense given how low you are, and still making me nauseous, mostly due to an insatiable hunger at all times. Oh, and also know that I love you.

-Mom

Hi again

Hi baby,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. Like I said before, we have lots going on right now! Mom is switching jobs, trying to get her schedule so she can work only 2 days a week while still supporting our little family. Dad is finally getting all of his application materials together for law school. And, we're selling our house! We thought we would move right away but have decided we're staying right where we are until after you arrive and we know what the next step for Dad will be.

In the last post I said I would talk about your "interactions with Luthien." I don't know exactly now what I was referring to then, which is why I should have written it down right then. However, I may have been talking about how rough Luthien is with you right now. She doesn't mean to be, she just forgets you are there sometimes since it's kind of an abstract concept for a toddler. What I mean by "rough" is that she lays on you with all her weight and sometimes kicks you. She nurses with Mom in the morning and she is very fidgety, so she squirms her arms, body, and legs all around and this is why she kicks. Sometimes you kick back- I'm sure you will more so as you grow. The reason I wanted to tell you about this is because it is so very different from the environment Luthien developed in. Mom kept things as perfect as possible for her- even shooed the cats away if they got to close to her tummy. And I think it shows in Luthien's personality. She is our sensitive girl, like her Daddy. I have a feeling, given what you've been exposed to already and what you will experience once you are out of the womb, that you will be a bit less sensitive, with a bit of a thicker skin. I'm not saying one is better than the other, it's just interesting to observe the differences. We'll find out shortly if my little theory is right!
I also mentioned briefly that you and I have been doing pre-natal yoga classes together. I did this with Luthien, but at home. Now I take the time out of my day (1-2 times each week) to go to a studio and do yoga with you. It is really our only time alone, and I really enjoy it. I hope you do too!
You had a brief pause in your growth (from an external perspective only) the past month or so, I think because you blossomed so early! But now that I am 20 weeks along you are really growing again! I will show you pictures in my next post, I promise. At my last check-up you were only measuring about a week ahead, instead of a whole month like before! So, even though I think my due date is off and it does not make sense with my menstrual cycle and when I started feeling pregnancy symptoms, it looks like we may be a bit more on schedule now. I have a feeling you will come about a week early, just like your sister. Still hoping for April 25th!

I hate when people ask about "cravings." I just don't like to call them that for some reason, and I'm still trying to figure out why. It seems that lately there are things that I am definitely liking A LOT though, and they are:
1) Oranges- this has changed from melon in the summer. I love that you are keeping with the seasons like your Mama tries to do!
2) Celery- this is a weird one because celery is one of my least favorite vegetables normally. I think you like the water they contain.
3) Pickles- why did you have to get all cliche on me?!
4) Chocolate- this is another weird one, because I am not one to really "need" sweets, other than fruit. Why did you have to go and ruin my perfect track record?! And it's not even my usual fave, dark chocolate- it's milk (with nuts at least, and of course of the high quality variety, so you're on target there).


Well my little one, that's all for now. Love you!
Mom

Dear Baby: Entry #1

Dear Baby,
This is your Mama. I am writing you today, and from now on, to check in with you and tell you that you are loved. Amidst all the chaos and uncertainty going on for your mom, dad, and sister Luthien Lee right now, there is one surety; and that is, that you are loved by your family. Your sister Luthien already likes to point at you, saying your temporary name "baby," and give you lots of kisses. Mom needs to talk to you more but I think you are soaking in all that your sister and I talk about (and sing) about. Since this is the first time I am writing to you let me give an outline of your little life thus far:

-Mommy was feeling a little sick and VERY emotional in the middle of August. Dad brought up the possiblity of being pregnant and I didn't listen for a couple of days, then finally my nerves got the best of me and I took a test. We did our usual routine of me setting the test on the counter and going as far away as possible. Your dad and I then forget about the whole thing and finally dad goes into the bathroom and non-chalantly says, "Oh yeah, you're pregnant." This happened with your sister too, so don't feel bad! I couldn't believe my ears/eyes so I took a few more tests and finally went to the doctor to confirm the news. Of course by that point you were a welcome surprise! (One thing to note: I felt really sick at the end of July and went to the doctor for my annual exam and while there had them run a pregnancy test. This came out negative but I am convinced that test was wrong)...
- At the first doctor's appointment the ultrasound said you were 6 weeks old, which again, I think is wrong (you are older) for multiple reasons.
- Mommy begins to feel the exact same way she did with Luthien: nauseated ALL THE TIME. One difference this time is that smells make this situation MUCH worse. Mom does everything she can to avoid the smell of cooking food: usually this means having Dad cook dinner while Luthien and Mom do other things, then eating outside and/or in the car. We also ate out a lot at first because, just as with Luthien, if I thought of something that I actually could stomach, I had to have it right then.
- As I write this you are supposedly 15 weeks old (really 18 or 19). Mom has been staying on top of her eating a little better so she's been feeling a little better, although you are a very hungry baby and you are making me really picky about food still so it's hard to satisfy you! And hungriness=nauseousness.
- Mom switched doctors so that she is seeing a midwife. Her name is Ramona and she is wonderful. I saw her when you were 12 weeks old and she agreed with me that the due date must be off, and that really you were at least 15 weeks at that point. You definitely don't look like you are only 15 weeks old now. You make mom's stomach protrude out, more so than some of her friends who are further along!
- So, at this point you are supposed to be entering this world on May 4th. I'm positive it will be earlier. I'm thinking you will want to come on your Grandma Lee's birthday, April 25th, but even that would be later than what I estimate your actual due date to be.

More news, thoughts, and pictures to come. Everything from pre-natal yoga to your "interactions" with Luthien...

I love you,
Mom