Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ready Or Not

Hi Baby,
Well, there is much to say and not a lot a time to do it in. After all, you could come to me any day, hour, or minute at this point and I still feel nowhere near prepared for you. These past few weeks I am finally feeling good about how the days are going with Luthien, and now somehow we are adding you to our little mix! I am excited to meet you, see your face, smell and kiss your little body, but I still feel nervous about being your mommy. I hope I can mother you in the way you deserve- I know I have a lot to learn.
Over the past month, my heartburn has stopped almost altogether. Yes, that means you "dropped" that long ago and I've been feeling as though I'm carrying a bowling ball between my legs for quite some time. And even before that, as you have seen, you didn't exactly ride very high. Strangely, the only time I get heartburn now is when I wait too long to eat and I'm laying down (like if I ever have the chance to sleep in in the morning- ha!) The past two months have been very difficult (physically) for mama. I finally received some comfort from our midwife, Ramona a couple weeks ago when she checked my cervix. It was an especially painful day, one in which I could barely get up from the ground at the park, and then had to be practically carried to the car because the pain in my pelvis and lower extremities was so intense. Aunt Stefa took me in to see Ramona (we won't even talk about how in this process Luthien got a terrible diaper rash, insisted on keeping her diaper off, and then proceeded to pee in the waiting room in front of everyone). Ramona told us that she had rarely seen a baby sitting so low for someone who is totally not in labor. In fact, my cervix wasn't dialated or effaced at all at that point, yet you were sitting at a zero station (totally descended into the birth canal- where babies usually are when women are dialated to a 10 and begin pushing). I guess this was comforting because I had felt so silly for the past month or so- having to take so many breaks, crying while doing the dishes at the end of the night, being unable to walk Roofus and Luthien at times...all things I never experienced with Luthien. Ramona reassured me that my ligaments just have so much pressure on them (from you!) that it's perfectly normal to be in extreme pain.
So, that has been the main difficulty with your pregnancy. Of course, you have been causing contractions for a very long time now, something also very different, but I can stand these any day over the other pain/inability to walk and get things done.

I love you baby. By the way, at this point I think you are a boy. I promise I will post some more pictures soon- pregnancy/in the womb as well as out! So strange!

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