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Dear Bastian (how wonderful it is to say your name!),

Oh my, I can't even begin to describe the emotions that center around you. It's so unfortunate that Daddy has been so sick because he hasn't quite been able to share the joy that is you, let alone help very much with you/your sister Luthien during this time. But, oh how I adore you. I have to admit that I feel very differently than I felt when first bringing Luthien into the world. I feel like I am able to enjoy you so much more (and that's saying a lot considering our family's circumstances right now)! Your perfectly shaped little head, the way you smell (despite the fact that you spit up A LOT), the look of complete bliss you get after I nurse you, the way you stick out your little tongue when you get fussy...I could go on and on. But perhaps the best part is how already you know that I am mama; already I am the one that knows how to soothe you best. I didn't have that until much later with your sister. I am so grateful for the bond that we have. I truly believe that it is getting me through this trying time.

Well I am already getting ahead of myself, which is easy to do since I neglected this journal for far too long after your birth, and I'm now picking back up with writing to you after waiting a bit. You are still as sweet as ever. I am fascinated by how the mother-son bond is so different than that of a mother and a daughter, and I can't quite explain why or how. Here is one last shot of you before entering the world, taken at 37 weeks:

Those last few weeks really were difficult physically, but it was all worth it! Just like dad said, you arrived at around 10:30 a.m. on Friday, April 30th 2010 after about 9 1/2 hours of intense labor, mostly done at home. Once these "real" contractions started coming (I had been having false ones for about 2 months), they were pretty harsh, and I knew it was time (about 1:00 a.m. that morning). This was similar to Luthien's birth, however, things progressed much quicker than I expected as I started to dialate more and more (hers was an 18 hour labor). This is why we almost didn't make it to the hospital in time, as dad mentioned. Since his description was pretty accurate I won't give any more details, other than to say shame on him for lying to me when I knew your head was fully crowned as we were driving to the hospital! But what he and Aunt Stefanie didn't know was that rather than "holding you in" as they were telling me to do so we could deliver you at the hospital, I was totally pushing you out during the entire 25-minute drive (is it even possible to hold back from pushing during a natural birth?)! This is why, once we were actually at the hospital it took about 3 more pushes for my water to break, and then only 4-5 more to push you out.

Without further ado, here we are, a few minutes after the birth. I fell immediately in love with you, sat with you on my chest for a couple minutes, and then said, "oh yeah, is it a girl or a boy?!"

And a few more pictures from the hospital...the first is after the nurses finally were able to put your name card up because we finally chose a name for you! I think the nurses were more anxious than us about the name! And we were changing you in this picture, which as you can tell was not your favorite thing, and you still hate it.

What a sweet moment when you met your big sister for the first time:

And here you are the first week at home... I love your olive skin and am missing it now! I also love how you look like a little old man :)

This is a picture of our first true outing, when you were only 1 week old. Your grandad picked us up and we went to eat/visit dad at his work, an Ethiopian restaurant called Blue Nile Cafe.

Another shot with your sister. She started talking a lot more since right around the time you were born so she's always shouting "I wanna hold baby!" She is usually very gentle and sweet with you. Usually is the key word.

In the first 3 weeks of your life we had 3 weddings to go to (okay, two were receptions only). We actually were crazy enough to bring you to all of them! I wish we got more family shots but we still had too much on our minds I think.

And two more shots as you have grown a bit. There's nothing I love more than you just in your cloth diapers, or naked (I hope that makes sense and doesn't freak you out too much when you're older)!

I love you my little Bastian,

Mama